#11: Better left unsaid

“when I hit the rock bottom
that exist after the rock bottom
and no rope or band appeared
i wondered
what if nothing wants me
because I do not want me

i am both the poison and the antidote”

- Rupi Kaur, "The Sun and Her Flowers"

I read this poem in class today as a part of an in-depth search of poems with deep meanings. With Kaur's poem, I found not only a deep meaning, but something I can relate to. (PSA: I haven't done too much research on what this poem is truly about, but I found my own meaning from this)

Let's say you trip on a banana peel in the hallway, but someone breaks your fall - perhaps by gripping your arm or waist. It's difficult to describe how much comfort you feel in this person's presence later on, not just because you were saved from shattering 30 bones, but also because of the thought itself. "It's the thought that counts", it's said. Someone felt it inside them to break your potentially nasty fall.

Now, let's say you trip on a banana peel in the hallway, but nobody helps you. People, instead, back away from you, creating a circle around you. Not only are you in pain, but nobody feels the need to help you. You're surrounded by several individuals, but nobody wants to do anything to rectify the situation you're in. 

You're alone.

Though Kaur isn't trying to convey that she's fallen down physically, I believe this is a good way to illustrate "rock bottom". Finally reaching this dark depth is hard - no hope, or "rope", is present to pull you back out of this depression you've fallen in. 

Kaur, though, also writes about herself being the "poison and antidote". As if falling down and not recieving help is hard enough, losing faith in oneself can be the worst feeling. "What is nothing wants me, because I do not want me", Kaur writes. 

People preach self-love all over the internet. We have the innate tendency to gloss over these recommendations with the simple excuse that they're "just for views or clout". What we don't understand is that loving oneself before loving others can be the antidote. We may poison ourselves often but, as Kaur writes, we can be the antidote. Simply having confidence in oneself can be that fated rope we've been looking for all this time. 

In conclusion, getting help from others is good sometimes. But they won't always be there. We simply need to learn to climb up the rock wall if we've fallen into the valley.